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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

What a world.. What a world!

Imagine little Johnny, he's a very hyperactive child. From a young age he is taking medication for ADHD. This allows him to study hard and go to a good college, where he meets Susie. He finds her a very bright, vibrant, and happy person and falls in love. Susie is all these things because her parents have had her on Prozac ever since Jr. High when she told them she had suicidal thoughts.

Johnny (John, now) and Susie have a wonderful wedding. Her dad, the lifetime alcoholic, is drunk, her mom pretends not to notice. His mom is sneaking out behind the kitchen for a cigarette every 20 minutes, his dad is oblivious.

They decide they are ready for kids. John is stressed out from work, too busy to eat right or exercise and is discouraged by Susie's lack of sex drive from being on Prozac and so he's unable to perform so he starts using Viagra to give himself a boost, but that still doesn't solve the problem, so Susie begins taking drugs for fertility treatments.

They eventually have a wonderful son, Johnny Jr. who they will always cherish. When he experiments with Marijuana in college, they get upset with him and don't understand where he learned that using drugs is ok.

Today's Irony brought to you by the Letter T and the Number 3.

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Has the whole world gone limp...

[Sorry in advance for all of the innuendos. -the Management]

While perusing the news on Yahoo today I noticed that about 6 articles in the Health section related to Viagra. The most popular (or talked about) spam ad is for Viagra, or a similar substitute. Is it possible that the same country that bans excessive dancing by cheerleaders in Texas, freaks out about a mostly covered nipple at the super bowl, allows pharmacists to refuse women their DOCTOR PRESCRIBED birth control pills, and demands an abstinence-only sex education policy for their schools (probably the most promiscuously sexually active percent of the population), actually contains people who like having sex?!? Why else are you still getting "incr3a53 y0ur h@rd 0n" e-mails crammed into your inbox? Why is Viagra's stock not only skyrocketing, but exploding? What else are all the rock hard monuments being built for if not for a little divide and conquer?

Now, I'm not knocking the drug companies for hawking their wares, that's what they're paid to do. But what kind of message is this sending to our children. "Don't have sex when you are young and virile, wait till you are old and married and have to take a pill to enjoy yourself." Not that I'm saying high school children should be having sex (not that I'm saying they shouldn't) that's not what this is about. Perhaps though, it is this environment of "sex is wrong and dirty" that is creating most of the consumers for these drugs. Perhaps it is all the conservative ideas about sex that is leading to men's dysfunction in the first place. Something like 70% of all men who experience erectile dysfunction, suffer from emotional issues rather than physical ones. (Ok, so I just made that statistic up, but you can't tell the difference) Maybe if parents would be more open and honest with their children about sex, they wouldn't grow up having subconscious issues about it. Mothers, everytime you tell Jr. "stop playing with yourself and wash up for dinner" you are contributing to his future downfall in society. ("hurry up and finish" would be better if you must say something, but that could lead to other problems )

You're right though. Maybe I'm priviledged, ensconced as I am in my strong and firm ivory tower, not knowing what its like for the little man in the street, bent down by societies strictures and
mores. Perhaps it is easier for him to simply take the easy way out, and not the difficult road that would lead to true health. But if the easy way out were always best, there would be a lot more suicide in the world.

So remember, sex is fun and healthy (as exercise and for the immune system). So go out there, be safe (get tested, use protection) and have fun! You don't need drugs to get what you need, try eating more fruits and vegetables, cut back a little on the red meat, and get some exercise (perhaps stop smoking). If that doesn't work after a couple of months of true effort, then feel free to dope yourself up. That's advice we all should follow.

"Sexual modesty cannot then in any simple way be identified with the use of clothing, nor shamelessness with the absence of clothing and total or partial nakedness. There are circumstances in which total nakedness is not immodest....Nakedness as such is not to be equated with physical shamelessness. Immodesty is only present when nakedness plays a negative role with regard to the value of the person...The human body is not in itself shameful, nor for the same reasons are sensual reactions, and human sensuality in general. Shamelessness (just like shame and modesty) is a function of the interior of the individual. " -Pope John Paul II

"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. " -Don Schrader

and this doesn't have a lot to do with this , but I liked it. Remember when the government knew its place...

"We are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy unless it obstructs interstate commerce. " - J. Edgar Hoover (see originally, the US government was set up for the sole purpose of regulating interstate commerce, with states handling all other issues themselves... ...how that relates to sex education in schools, I'll never know)

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Promise to you, the reader...

So I'm watching the Daily Show (or as I call it, "the news") last night and they are doing a report on (or as they call it "making fun of") the major news networks doing reports on blogs, creating their own blogs, and reading other's blogs off the internet. I found this very funny that first the news outlets tried to discredit blogs, and now they are reading them verbatim off the internet to the two (I'm guessing) people in the world who don't have internet access. Oh, and yes, I realize the irony of me writing about, the Daily show making fun of, the major news outlets reporting on, what bloggers are writing about. But as they were reading these, it got me thinking on my own bloggers code of honor, which led me to the following resolution:

As the author of Tim O' Grams and related sites, I solemnly swear:

To never take things too seriously!

To post more frequently for my faithful readers!

To never include content that will get my blog read by CNN, MSNBC, or FOX News!

To make up words on a bi-annual basis!

To use said words in a conversation at least three times!

To make this blog more about me, and less about you!

To update my other two blogs at least monthly (if you don't know about them, you suck)!

To start cursing more, and swearing less!

To create a positive atmosphere of sharing, tolerance, and understanding!

To destroy that atmosphere as soon as you are feeling comfortable!

To advance my blogging beyond the world of blogspot
To learn to use movable type
and To move this entire enterprise to a faster server!

and above all

To make many more idle promises that I have no intention of keeping!

...and I'm out!


"Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted!" - John Lennon

"In this marketplace of blogs, competition is vicious!" -Ms. E

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

Coming Soon to a Dictionary Near You!

Ok, so I came up with a new word today, let me know what you think.

"Bambi-fed mallhoppers" (n) def. girls who are raised in a privledged world never having any concept of how the world works, could be used for overly optimistic people as well

for example:
Paris Hilton is such a bambi-fed mallhopper.
or:
Candi didn't know that people are dying in Iraq, she is such a bambi-fed mallhopper.

still working on a masculine form of the word....

be sure to start using it in normal conversation.

hey, if blog is in the dictionary, my word can be too! Remember, you heard it here first!

"All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there." -Paris Hilton

"Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?" -Paris again

It was hard to decide on just two quotes from her.

[DISCLAIMER: These quotes were found on the internet, so I can't guarantee their validity]

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