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Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas to all!

And to all a good night!

Contrary to popular belief, I do celebrate Christmas!

So in honor of Jesus' Birthday (I actually sang happy birthday to Jesus while celebrating in this God-saken red state) I thought I would leave you with a quote from a great Dickens story, that I've not only acted in once, but twice! (and yes, I was Tiny Tim)

But in honor of being at my mother's house, having slo-o-o-o-o-o-ow dial up, and being the generally impatient person that I am, I have not "google"d it and am probably horribly misquoting good ol' Chuck.

Ebenezer: "You there! Boy! What day is this?"

You there: "Why, today? Its Christmas day, sir!"

(its so much more amusing when spoken aloud with a cockney accent, I'll wait while you try it at home... ...I said I'll wait!)

So I hope your season was merry and bright, and that Jesus brought you everything you wanted. (as if dying for your sins wasn't enough)

God Bless us everyone!

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Happy Chrismahaunzakwanikah

So I'm becoming very frustrated with people who feel that Christmas is under attack. So frustrated that I'm taking valuable time out of my day to write about it. So frustrated in fact that I will probably violate my unwritten rule to avoid cursing here as often as possible, but to quote South Park (the movie):

"What's the big fucking deal?"

I understand that this holiday is important to you. And I understand that you enjoying telling people "Merry Christmas", but no one is telling you that can't.

A few major nationwide retailers have decided to be a little more tolerant of other cultures, and a little more inclusive of other traditions by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". I'm sure that your local Mom and Pop stores will still be saying "Merry Christmas" and have it painted in their windows.

People have said "Happy Holidays" for years and it has never been a big deal. In fact, in my mind, "Happy Holidays" has always been synonymous with "Merry Christmas".

Growing up, we always had wooden Christmas cutouts in the front yard that my Dad had made for the holidays. Every year, he would make a new one, and we all enjoyed them very much (including the people who would steal a few every few years). One of these cut-outs was Garfield, sleeping in his box under a blanket and ribbon with the message "Do not open until X-mas".

One day, one of my friends and his mom came to pick me up and we had just put up our decorations. She sneered at the Garfield and said, "I don't think people should use X-mas because it takes the Christ out of Christmas." Being very religious at that age, I was crestfallen. For the longest time I felt bad that my family was a bunch of pagans and we were all going to suffer in the burning lakes of sulphur!

Of course, I have since come to learn that the X is often used, as it is the greek letter for Chi, and the first letter in greek of Christ. So we were, in fact, including Christ in our X-mas display.

I tell this story because I feel that it illustrates that often, when people get upset over semantics, they are quite wrong in what they believe.

For instance, did you know that the word holiday comes from the Old English word, Halig Daeg, which means Holy Day. Isn't that indeed what Christians are fighting for, a recognition of a holy day? So once again, I ask:

"What's the big fucking deal?"

Of course, if religious freedom, racial tolerance, and etymology are not your bag, then there is always another option:

Since all the "unrighteous" are "stealing your holiday", why don't you steal one from the unrighteous! They have been celebrating that Halloween thing a little too freely, don't you think!

I propose that we begin celebrating Jesus' baptism on October 31st. That's right, some biblical scholars somewhere, who coincidentally haven't been taking their medication, have somehow determined that Jesus was baptised by John the Baptist (isn't that coincidental) on October 31st.

And, as an added bonus, since John the Baptist was beheaded, you can say that Jack-o-lanterns are a reminder of his commitment to God.

We can call it Halloweaster, or maybe Baptisteen. Once this is completed, Christianity will have successfully stolen all pagan holidays, and made them their own.

So lets all pray for a day when Christians everywhere are free to celebrate their holidays in the privacy of their own homes, without fear of persecution by the government. Where you can go into any store, anywhere in the country and find atleat 85 things that bear the greeting "Merry Christmas". Where their Church's can be publically known, and where you have to swear on their Holy book when in a government court. When their holidays, become National Holidays, and we all get a day off of work!

Oh, how I long for the day when people can freely admit they are a Christian, and no longer have to live in fear of being eaten by lions!

So I wish you all Happy Holidays! (which includes Christmas, Kwanza, Chaunakah, Ramadan (even though I think that was in the summer this year) and of course, a happy New Year!)

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Monday, December 19, 2005

The Holidays are vnder attack!

I jvst wanted to take a moment and step ovtside my vsval levity to talk abovt a very seriovs svbject.

One of ovr most treasvred holidays is vnder attack!

The December 25th celebration of Natalis Solis Invicti, (or the Birth of the Vnconqverable Svn, which also coincides with the winter solstice celebration) is under threat from ovtside sovrces.

As most of yov know, the Roman Empire has long celebrated this most holy of days. This is the day when all slaves are freed, and many masters act as slaves in their own hovseholds. We also often exchange gifts with each ovr loved ones, and we vsvally get some time off of work as well.

Well, a certain grovp of people (we'll call them "aggressors against the homeland") are out to destroy ovr most favoured of holidays!

They vsvally celebrate their religion on Janvary 6th. It has long been the norm that, that is their holiday.

Bvt now they are threatening ovr very being, and trying to assimilate vs all by moving their holiday to December the 25th. Coincidentally enovgh, the same day as ovrs.

Many of the stricter adherants of their religion are banning the celebration of this holiday they are refering to as Christ's Mass, due to the so called "pagan" associations with this date. [and many did so until the 1800's -ed. note] There are many other followers of this religion in other regions, and they still maintain their holidays on the original date. This is a direct attack vpon everthing we hold dear!

So I encourage yov all to enjoy the Solis celebrations this year. If we do not make a stand, this may be ovr last.


Paranoidvs Maximvs
379 AD

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

If this were a truly perfect world...

...It would be me on that horse...

...and that dog would be wearing a yoda costume...

...and perhaps some sort of visor for the horse... would probably look something like this:

or maybe this:

Original picture was found here.

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You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

So, there has been a definite lack of updating among the circle of blogs that I read, and I must say, I'm thoroughly disappointed! (I'm also disappointed that "blog" is not recognized by the spellcheck provided by BLOGger that is on my BLOG!) How am I supposed to successfully avoid work without anything to read. Guess I'll just have to go back to reading the news or something.

Then, as my anger subsided, I realized that for many of you, this is finals week, and things are probably fairly busy for you. So good luck to those of you collegiately minded. And post soon. You are missed.

On another note, one of the bloggers that I read has invited me to a Christmas party this Friday. I'm a little apprehensive, as this will be the first time I have ever gone to party not knowing anyone at all that will be there, except by online pictures and their own writings about themselves.

I'm almost positive it will be fun, and I'm always complaining about how I don't know many people out here, so it will be good for me.

I'm sure it will end up like most parties I've been to. I'll be shy and quiet for the first half hour, then after a couple of drinks I'll be talking to everyone who is unlucky enough to cross my path. And I'll end up with my girlfriend dragging me out amidst the broken punch bowl and being driven home.

So thanks again for the invite, and you might want to use your non-favorite punch bowl.

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Monday, December 12, 2005

I know I should be ashamed of myself!

But come on, just look at him! And it was clearance at Petco so it only cost $5.00. How can you resist a Star Wars Yoda costume for your dog for only $5.00?!?

Lick you, he will, yesss, mmm!

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Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Musing...

...about how much different life would be if dolphins could live on land.

Think about it, instead of swimming with dolphins for your health, you would be dancing with dolphins.

You could get one as a butler, and he would wake you every morning with those delightful dolphin shrieks.

You know, I really enjoy the word shrieks, I think just looking at it gives you a good idea of exactly what kind of scream that is.

Have a great weekend!

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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Happy Birthday Danielle

**today's post is directed mainly at one person, feel free to read it, just realize, I'm not talking to you (unless its you )**

Happy Birthday dear, I hope your day is going well!

We've known each other for almost a year now, and I still haven't tired of you! You continue to delight me on a daily basis, and you never fail to make me laugh when I need it.

You put up with my mischievousness, and my horrible wit. You think I'm sexy (which I will never understand) and you believe in me!

I feel like it is my birthday, everyday I'm with you. (oh yeah, thanks for putting up with me when I'm overly cheesy as well) And I hope to make your day, today, the best birthday you've ever had.

This year has brought a lot your way, and you have handled it all. Here's to your twenty-third year (that first one didn't really count) on this planet being just as exciting!

Happy Birthday!

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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Because its healthy to annoy one's fanbase.

In an effort to throughly make your life a little more complicated. I have updated the picture on my menu bar once again. This should make it even more difficult for you to read the content.

But I have faith that you will be able to decipher it all with the new font color!

This picture was taken by
Danielle while we were up in Napa at the Coppolla-Niebaum winery.

It was such a nice day!

Currently contemplating quiting my job without having another one lined up. Comments?!?

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Presenting Ezekiel Jonas Brown

In all his glory

Wanted: One comb (for me) for Christmas!

Disclaimer: This is not my cat. I'm am not allowed to assume any claim on this cat, now, or in the future. Ezekiel Jonas Brown is solely the property of one Danielle, and my rights end at feeding and litter box disposal. If you would like to learn more about Zeke's history, you can read that here.

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Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm burgeoing all over the place... (so you'd better get this party started!)

My friend Beau (who is fond of big words) has a list on links on his site to his friends pages. They are all described as burgeoning artists, or playwrights, or bands.

His description of me is:

my buddy, burgeoning Tim.

That's right bitches, I'm working hard on being Tim, and by gum, I'm gonna be the best Tim I can be, and mostly likely the best Tim you'll ever know! Years from know you can look back and say "I knew him when he was only Timmy".

Thanks Beau, for summing me up so aptly. (and thanks for having a name with three vowels and one consonant, get a real name you french bastard! (whom is neither French, nor born out of wedlock))!

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's that time again...

So this morning after waking up, I noticed a few unusual things. Now, I'm not at my best upon immediately waking up, so it took me a while to put things together.

First off, the dogs were unusually quick in handling their morning "routine" and came running back in as soon as business was done.

Then, I noticed a lack of visibility on the freeway, and other drivers being particularly slow and brake even more unneccesarily.

Follow that up with the underground parking being more than usually full and it all came together.

Its the rainy season. The time of year when Northern Californian's are reminded that plants can be watered other ways than just out of the hose.

Its funny, just last week danielle and I were discussing how much we missed the rain, and how nice it was that it rained while we we're in Texas.

Now here we are two days into the rainy season, and already I'm missing the sun.

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy that its raining, its great for the re-sodding I'm doing in my backyard, and its three months where I don't have to water.

But I had forgotten all the other problems that come along with rain. (like dog prints all over the kitchen floor)

Also, rain was much more enjoyable when I worked as a lifeguard or in that tennis shop. Back then, rain meant work was cancelled, and sleeping in ensued.

Now it just means dealing with more traffic and cleaning dog paws!

***Update*** It just thundered and if you listened quietly, you could hear the others in the building collectively peeing their pants! (their own pants Ryan!) I've never seen such a large group of people get so astonished by such simple act of nature. Of course, these are the same people that will continue putting on their eyeliner during an earthquake, and then ask you if someone just farted.

"I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? " -Douglas Adams

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