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Friday, February 16, 2007

I Pray for Destruction...

...Of outdoor pests.

Recently while perusing some links on other sites, I found a list from Amazon on gifts you definitely should not get your loved one for Valentine's Day.

Between the Ninja Hand Claw, and Fresh Whole Rabbit (not the kind you let your kids play with), I found the perfect item. Now, while it was too late to get it in time for Valentine's Day, and I did not need a gift for anyone else, I decided to splurge a little on myself.

So arriving in the mail on Monday, will be my box of two, yes two, cocoons full of hundred's of tiny Praying Mantids. I'm so excited I could burst.

In the next few months, I will have my own legions of Praying Mantids. I can just see them now, all lined up in battle formation, ready to kill the evil hosts of attacking flies, wasps and other outdoor pests.
Praying for the death of his enemies

The name mantis, comes from the Greek word for prophet, or fortune teller. But the only future these mantids will see is one bathed in the blood of the insectoid. They will be my unholy army of the backyard, and they will succeed. I will bite the heads off the losers in disgust, and the winners will be chosen to carry on their victorious genes by enjoying all the pleasures a female mantis has to offer... ...before having their heads bitten off by her.

Yes my loyal subject, feast on the blood of the backyard infidels

They will start with the backyard, but soon will encompass the neighborhood, taunting the dogs, providing a toy for the cats, delighting the children, and impressing the church going. But the insectoids will be cowering in fear from the Green Fist of Justice!

...except for maybe one lucky mantis. Him I will bring inside and nurture, protect, and educate in the ways of sarcasm. Then get him a gig as the sidekick on a talk show.


Posted by timothy :: Direct Link 2 comments

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