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Monday, February 06, 2006

I got "Shake"d!

So anyone who has ever ridden in the car with me will know, I'm not what one would call a "cautious" driver. I'm definitely not a "defensive" driver, I am what we like to be known as an "offensive" driver. I speed, I'll admit it. I also cut people off, weave in and out of traffic, and do many other "seatbelt tightening" maneuvers. I'm not particularly unsafe, just not as safe as others.

Since I got into my last accident I firmed up my decision to not take things personal on the road.
If someone cuts me off, fine, they did, I drive on.
If someone behind me has their brights on, I'll just go on about my way. I'm not on the freeway to get into petty arguments with people, I'm there to get where I'm going as fast as possible.

A few weeks ago, on my way home from lunch I had a run in with a highschool kid. I was in the wrong lane to turn, and needed to get over, which I did in front of him. I signaled properly, there was room to move over, and I did. Well, being the high school kid he was, body raging with unrequited hormones, slammed on his brakes dramatically, and then went into the ONCOMING LANE OF TRAFFIC (of a four lane road), to get back in front of me. He was actually stopped there for a moment, as we were at a stop sign and there was a car in front of me. I let him in, he goes around the corner, I give him a thumbs up (sarcastic of course) and he slams on the brakes. I stop behind him, and he gets out of his car. Now, I'm not sure what his intentions were at the time, whether to beat my ass a little, or just yell a lot in a street full of traffic, but I never found out. I went around him, where he proceeded to hit my car. Who hits a car? He slammed his hand into my windshield, with no adverse affects, but hopefully he hurt his wrist!

Today, on my home for lunch again, I'm exiting the freeway when a jerk behind me in Dooley pickup ( you know, I think its spelled Dually (for dual rear tires) but I've always thought it the other way, and that's how it will stay) is right on my tail.

Now typically, I will never notice tailgaters for two reasons. One, I'm usually going the fastest and no one is tailgating me, and two, since no one is usually tailgating, I'm usually the one tailgating, and I rarely check my mirrors.

Well, this asshat is riding my tail, and I go to change lanes to the exit lane, he swings around behind me, floors it, and passes me on the shoulder. Now at this point, I have done nothing to this guy other than go more than the speed limit in the right hand lane, with him behind while tailgating the guy in front of me, and allow him to illegally pass me on the shoulder.

He gets in front of me and slams on his brakes!

(this coincidentally enough, is how I got in my last accident, causing me over $2500 in damages, and the other guy scratched his towing ball)

Well, in my whole scheme of not taking things personal on the freeway, I immediately get out of the exit lane, speed up, move about 10 cars ahead of him, and get back in the exit lane. As I'm exiting I'm running a yellow light to make the turn, and as I'm halfway up the hill, I see him coming off the exit to the red light. I smirk to myself, thinking my pacifism has won, Ghandi would be proud (except I was heading to lunch, Ghandi would've wanted me to skip it) and life is good. But as I crest the hill, I think I see the guy turning (when there is no way the light would've turned green that quick) and is coming up the hill.

I'm no too concerned, where I'm heading is a few blocks from the police station, and I can always reroute to there, so I carry on in my usual manner. I stopped at a light, waiting to turn right when I see him two cars behind me.

He pulls into the parking lot next to the light and I hear a [THUNK]. The asshat has lobbed a shake a my car. I believe it was Strawberry.

My milkshake, hits all the cars in yard...

He smirked at me from his car and peeled out of the parking lot. I got his license number.

Like I said, I'm not the best driver, so I've seen plenty of worse things than a shake at my car. I've had cokes thrown out of windows, cigarettes flicked on my windshield at night, I even once had an old man follow me home and call the cops.

But I have never seen someone with so little provocation ( I changed to an exit lane and did not let him go around me) go to such lengths to do so little. Obviously this man is disturbed, so I called the local Po-po on him, not that I'm sure anything will happen.

My question is, what is with you people. Things done on the freeway aren't personal. If I'm going faster than you, I'm not questioning your manhood. If I cut you off, I'm not laughing at your small genitalia. In fact, I don't know you, I've never met you, I don't want to hold anything against you, I just want you to stop going less than the speed limit in the far left lane. That's it! I don't expect you to drive like me, I just want you to get out of my way. If you are trying to keep your children safer on the freeways by thinking you are "slowing" down traffic by going 50 mph in the fast lane, you are sadly mistaken. You are creating more drivers like "shake man" above, and are creating more congestion on the road.

I'm not trying to justify my bad driving habits in any way. I know I should slow down on the freeways, and I'm sure one day I will. But we all have things we need to change about ourselves, and this one is way down on the list.

( I don't tell these things to brag, I'm just being honest with you about my vehicular background, if I wanted to brag I'd tell about the time about 4 years ago, I was going about 100 (maybe 120) on my way home from work when I run over a large feedbag in the road. Well, my car didn't clear it and I ended up dragging this thing under my car until it caught fire (the bag, not the car). It eventually flew out the back of my car, but for a few minutes there it must have looked like I was going re-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-lly fast)

Imagine this, but without the girl hanging out the window

Posted by timothy :: Direct Link 9 comments

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