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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

...And Sometimes Fate Just Punches You in Eye.

So over the past month or so I've been pondering on my life and where I've taken it. This all stemmed from back in February during my "Love Is.." articles. In the one where I quoted 1 Corinthians I actually pulled my old Bible off the shelf and blew off the thick layer of dust (both literally and figuratively) on my past self. It was weird, it was like meeting up with an old friend you don't really keep in touch with anymore. I remembered all the times we used to spend together, all the fun we had and all the things I learned. It was a much older and wiser friend who taught me all about how it thought life should be (kinda like that song Night Moves, but without all the "having sex with an older woman" stuff). That same week I heard from my Young Life leader who I had lost contact with for the past 6 years. It was kind of random that both happened so close together. But sometimes fate will give you a nudge in the right direction...

It started me thinking on the kid I was as a freshmen in high school, and the man I thought I wanted to grow into. Then I looked at the man I have actually become and compared the two to see where I thought I was. Of course, this was all non-objective, as it all happened in the head of someone who thinks a little too much of himself(and prefers to speak about himself in the third person as well). The first discovery I made was that the boy had an overwhelming joy for life, and people in general. That boy was ready to devote his life to serving others as a youth minister. The man has become, over time, a little bitter, not so bright eyed and his bushy tail has almost worn away. Both of us believe that "things will work out" whether its due to a Higher Plan or fate. And both surprisingly enough still believe in the thing that gave the boy purpose, though the man doesn't realize it like he used to. The boy wasn't afraid to admit his believe in God to others, the man is not quite as bold.

I think the biggest thing is that, that boy believed in being a worthy man, instead of a man of worth. Of course that boy didn't have any bills to pay. But the man is remembering the boy, the man is working on remembering that money has no answers, only more questions. The man is working on being the worthy man the boy wanted to be. The man has realized his mistakes, and promises not to forget them, but to learn from them. The man has remembered how to find joy in all things great and small, to find wonder in the intricacies of life. The man feels he can stand tall and look that boy in the eye without regrets. Let's just hope the boy is looking back.

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" and then I went to college... (quote from I Corinthians 13:11)

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